Menopause met Christmas and it wasn’t pretty.
I had no one to entertain, no hoards of visitors to feed, and no long list of presents to purchase, but it really got to me this year. Ridiculous really. I became teary, depressive, and almost agoraphobic. Gone are the days where I used to look forward to Christmas for the parties. The thought of having to purchase a new outfit fills me with dread. Thank heavens I didn’t have to!
Don’t get me wrong, I love the season of Yuletide. The solstice and the bringing the outside in. Baking festive fare, and snuggling in by the fire. This year, I was feeling rather flat. I’m not sure if it’s the endless run up to the Big Day that fills us all with the anticipation that something amazing is going to happen, or just my age. All the stress for one day. A day that we chose after all, and one that has become hugely commercialised. Is it just me? Maybe if I had children, or even grandchildren, I may feel differently. Maybe not – I may just be even more exhausted!
Keeping the energy flowing.
In my line of work, it’s important that I look after my own energy field, as well as keeping the immune system in tip top condition. I was taking my curcumin, minerals, been adding extra ginger to my kombucha, and of course green juicing! Despite practising what I preach, and doing daily power up exercises to keep the energy levels at their optimum capacity, I still felt flat. Very flat.
I have lapsed in the yoga department, so I do need to get back on my mat. When you realise the energy that yoga can bring, you really miss it. Although sometimes you don’t realise it’s the yoga you need until it’s too late!
I was, however, using mindfulness, but my emotional levels were in a real dip. I realised that I didn’t have any real reason, I couldn’t explain it, and that meant it was HORMONAL! Menopause met Christmas, and there was nothing I could do about it.
Anything would set me off.
Snow Bears for starters. Even though it wasn’t the usual Attenborough life and death wildlife programme, it did get checking twitter to see if there was a happy ending before I got there myself.
Things came to a head with the Christmas Eve Saga, the feeling of gluttony and waste. I spent most of the day in tears over a big chicken!
This was followed by the fact that if I didn’t get my act together, and start enjoying the three days of Christmas, then it would be over for another year. I was getting stressed just worrying that I wasn’t embracing the festivities enough. Another year. Gone. My 50th year. Maybe that had a part to play in my melancholy attitude. Who knows? Maybe I was just tired of having sleepless nights with burning heat, and fidgety legs? Maybe I just needed a rest? After all, Christmas isn’t seen totally as a Christian festival these days, it’s the Holidays. – To quote an Americanism. A chance to have some time off.
It’s okay not to be okay.
We are all human, and humans have to feel emotions. I was certainly feeling mine.
I know it’s a transient thing and I’m not the first, or only person in the world to go through it, but over Christmas? Really? Thankfully I have a very understanding husband, who said and did all the right things. It was a passing phase, but rather than go with the flow, I became angry, and that made things worse.
Once I got back to work, things changed.
Today, I was back in the salon. With my view of the garden, the crisp white frost, blue sky and a menagerie of birds taking their turns to bathe.
Something shifted. Two squirrels came in to drink, and then chased each other in playfulness around the pots on the decking. The robins sat on the head of my Buddha, and the blue tits took it in turns for a bath like clockwork toys. I was surrounded by everything I love. Nature. I remembered why I moved here, and why I do what I do. If you don’t know, then check out the book. Nature is my healer and I had been without it for a few days. MrH had been doing the dog walks as I had been working, and the weather was so miserable. Fresh air is your friend!
Don’t beat yourself up if you’re having a down day. Down days make you human. Menopause brings you to another phase of your life. A phase that some people will never reach.