Are you invisible?
Fifty is NOT the new forty. It’s fifty. It is as it is, and at some point you may begin to think you are invisible. Are you invisible? Have you had that feeling that there is nothing to look forward to, or to plan for? Are you lost because your children have left home and your identity has shifted? Has it shifted, or are you in just a rut? How big is the rut and are you staying there?
Do you look at all those stylish over fifties on the TV and wonder how they do it? They have probably got a professional stylist, because they are celebrities. They don’t look like that on a Sunday morning when they are weeding the garden.
The difference between turning forty and fifty, is that when you get to fifty, there are HORMONES in the mix. Really low depressing ones that get hold of you and change your whole personality over night. Then you spend a few days wallowing in a depressive, ‘do I need botox?’ state, and then BAM, you’re back to your old self, full of gusto and embracing life as usual.
Social Media has a lot to answer for.
When a friend reaches fifty before you, it’s easy to study their Facebook profile picture, and assume they look better than you do. By what bench mark are we setting this? How happy they look, or how many wrinkles they may or may not have? Facebook can be a funny place sometimes, and depending on your mood it can bring you up or knock you down.
It’s all very well Life Coaches in magazines telling you to to reinvent yourself, and look back at what you have achieved with your life, rather than dwelling on the little time you think you have left (Yes, it’s one of those days!) But they aren’t YOU. They are often younger than you too! You have to be in the right place to want to look back. Sometimes you just need a day to wallow.
You could just feel invisible.
If your hormones aren’t playing the game, then you can easily feel invisible. I had a conversation with a good client of mine about this. She is quite a lot older than me, and takes really good care of her appearance. No botox or surgery. Just facials, massage, and always has her hair looking tip top. She said that when she went through the menopause, she noticed that you can easily become invisible, and she wasn’t going to let that happen. What are you going to do to ensure it doesn’t happen?
Is it only women who understand?
I treat a lot of clients who have gone through this change, and can empathise with all the raging hormones that fly around, turning us into weird inconsistent balls of emotion. Many are taking stock of their lives and enjoying it more. Reducing stress and taking more holidays. They are having massages and facials, and looking at their diets – when you are menopausal, the diet needs a little tweak here and there!
What if we did this earlier?
What if, at forty, we knew what we know at fifty and then we would have been less stressed much earlier? Well, that wouldn’t work, because that’s not what life and experiences are all about. It’s a bit like realising earlier, that your mother really did know best at the time. Now that you are also a mother, you may now be the one who knows best. You can’t read that in a book. It’s about the experiences you have had. And you don’t realise it until you take stock. You only really take stock when something major happens health wise, or a big birthday is looming.
How did you spend yours?
We can get drawn in to looking at how others actually spent their actual birthday. We look at the parties, and the holidays and wonder if we should be doing the same. We worry that we should be doing it like this and not how we actually want to. It isn’t easy to just be YOU.
So what am I going to do?
I’m getting a grip. I’m planning what I am doing for the next five years. I know I am in the right place, and I’m doing the things I love. I treat people. I give amazing facials, massage and healing. I teach people how to self heal with Reiki, and I offer little pieces of advice while connecting them to others who may be able to help. I don’t want to do anything else. Yet.
I always said I didn’t want a party.
If I had a party it would become like a wedding, with a list of guests growing longer by the day, and the protocol of who you should invite against who you really want to invite.
Then a venue, caterer, band, alcohol, and dress needing to be organised. Or just tea in the garden for a few friends, but even that was becoming a logistical issue. What if it rains? How much alcohol do we offer? I’d rather spend the money on a new porch. Yes, it has been decided! No party. A porch instead. Although I still have that occasional, ‘should I have a party?’ thought. Then I have to remind myself that I’m really not a party person, and give myself a bit of a slap!
Should we go away though? It would be lovely but we had no dog sitter, and I’m never happy going away in August – it’s always so busy with it being the school holidays. So, as we love food, we are going for dinner at the new Lympstone Manor. No doubt there will be instagram coverage for you to see.
We have three days in London planned for September – all revolving around beautiful food!
No party. No need to panic about dancing and what alcohol to choose. No stress. That’s me.
Now, the last thing to do is to get an image revamp plan in order so I don’t become invisible! Maybe I should paint my toe nails?